Lets cheer thee all up.

[yorkiesknob]

Bit of an oldie, but worth a second look.The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. :-[Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.The Scots have raised their threat level from "[edited for content] Off" to "Let's get the [edited for content]". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. >The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The upgrade was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. :'(Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides". The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case". >Canada doesn't have any alert levels. :57:New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us". :a102:Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. :celebrate:Posted in good funCheers Yorkie    

[jan8]

Oh thank goodness, a bit of humour at last !

[stutterdog]

jan8 wrote: Oh thank goodness, a bit of humour at last ! Don't know if this ones been done as I haven't read all the thread but here goes! A Cardinal rushes into the Popes Private Apartments and cries out in a panic-stricken voice "your Holyness, a case of Cholera has come to light at the Vatican!" His Holiness replies,"Thank the Lord for that, I'm sick to death of that Vapollicella!"

[tilly]

I walked into my local bank last Saturday there was a man behind the counter.He had a stetson on his head and two guns on his belt i said who are you he said im the loan arranger.

[Leodian]

OK not a joke as such, but I like it:-"Don't blame the pilot. He was semi-pontius at the time".I came across that many years ago. My sense of humour (or lack of it!) still finds it funny.

[dogduke]

A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he's going. "I'm on my way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body." The policeman asks, "Really? And who's going to give a lecture at this time of night?"My wife"

[Trojan]

There will be no nativity plays in Morley this year - they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

[Crazy Jane]

That might be most of yorkshire!True story, last year my neighbour went to Burley St mathias and when i saw him later in the day he said "They had the navity play this morning"I said "Don;t you mean the nativity play" and he said "it's not what that little boy introduced it as" Might go myself this year just to find out if they still all wear tea towels on their heads.

[tilly]

A man is repping in Lancs he is walking around Bolton and passes a church with a golden phone outside, at the side of the phone is a notice 10,000 pounds to ring heaven.He goes on to Wiggan same thing outside there church 10,000 pounds to phone heaven.He goes on to Blackburn same there.When he gets back into Yorkshire he sees a golden phone outside Leeds Parish Church the notice says 50 pence to phone heaven.He goes inside to see the priest and asks why it costs 10,000 to phone from Lancs and only 50 pence from Yorkshire the priest says from here its a local call.LOL

[Crazy Jane]

I think you've mixed up heaven with the other place