Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
Posts: 1389
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

West Yorkshire Police are looking for two men wearing frilly knickers and see through tights but the Chief Constable has said that they must wear their normal uniform
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Thieves have broken into a chemists shop over the weekend and taken just about all the stock apart from Brycreem and condoms
Police suspect it was done by Bald headed Catholics

volvojack
Posts: 1389
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

The wife's been hinting she want's something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

Anyone got an owner’s manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me

My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.

Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her make up.

My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.......................................we

volvojack
Posts: 1389
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

My wife rang me at work quite upset and said as i drove into the drive then i killed our pet cat "Jessie". I told her never mind love these cats often get under cars. she replied yet but "Jessie" was sleeping on the settee at the time."

volvojack
Posts: 1389
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

Tilly where are you ?



My Grandsons Birthday on Sunday so have bought him a very large wooden horse from " Troys Are Us "

volvojack
Posts: 1389
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

Paddy said to his wife "Molly i must .be putting on weight as i fasten the buttons on my shirt" she replied That because you are putting it on inside out
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Pat was over in London for the first time and he was looking for bargains as his father had told him the streets of London were paved with gold. He came across a shop which advertised "Suits £2. Trousers £1. He rang his dad and said "Dah get over here quick, i have found a place that will make us rich" His Dad was over quickly but as Paddy junior showed him the shop he said " Paddy this a dry cleaners shop"

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tilly
Posts: 2015
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by tilly »

A guy says to his mate is a penguin about four foot tall .His mate say i dont think they are has tall as that the guy says i think i have run over a nun.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

warringtonrhino
Posts: 423
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by warringtonrhino »

People who have to wear goggles or full face masks at work are now entitled to condensation

volvojack
Posts: 1389
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

Had a parcel sent for my Birthday.. I opened it and it was a Boomerang. The message inside said "Many Happy Returns"


Bad News for Dyslexics....On the 29th. of October Cocks go Black

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tilly
Posts: 2015
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by tilly »

The wife was in the kitchen making breakfast there was a big bang i ran in she was on the floor i thought what am i going to do. Then i remembered Weartherspoons do an all day breakfast for 3.99.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

volvojack
Posts: 1389
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

Disney Land Paris have had to cancel their new firework display after the first time as it caused a platoon of French Marines to surrender to a group of Japanese tourists.

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