Lets cheer thee all up.

[tilly]

I went into town on saturday and bought a memory foam mattress it said on the ticket memory foam mattress fourty pounds faulty.I looked all over it and could not find anything wrong with it got it home and found it had alzheimers.

[yorkiesknob]

Here's a topical one.As a family we are trying to keep up with technology.So I bought my son an iPod;I bought my daughter an iPhone;I bought myself an iPad; andI bought my wife an iRon...That's when all hell broke lose! ;D

[tilly]

Paddy goes to the builders yard and says I need two thousand bricks.The yard foreman say what are you building, paddy says a barbecue so the foreman says you dont need that many bricks .So paddy says i live in a flat ten floors up.

[Crazy Jane]

"That's when all hell broke lose! ;D "You might have to go into hiding, somewhere like iRan or iRaq or iNdonesia!

[anthonydna]

Its a rude word , almost an anagram of Vinegar, well you did ask !

[Si]

anthonydna wrote: Its a rude word , almost an anagram of Vinegar, well you did ask ! Not viagra then?

[Leodian]

Ah I now get it. Red faced me but still ing.

[weenie]

Irish man takes 19 friends to the cinema, the lady at the desk asks "why so many of you?" Irish man reply's "well it does say over 18 only!"

[tilly]

Mick Murphy and Pat go to the lumber yard to see the foreman.What do you want he says we have come for the jobs they tell him. But i can only set two of you on he says. Well it says out side tree fellers wanted.    

[Uno Hoo]

tilly wrote: Mick Murphy and Pat go to the lumber yard to see the foreman.What do you want he says we have come for the jobs they tell him. but i can only set two of you on he says well it says out side tree fellers wanted. However, Tilly, according to your account there's only two applicants, Mick Murphy and Pat. I realise you may have meant Mick, Murphy, and Pat. But if so, why has either Murphy got no first name, or Mick and Pat have no surname(s)? Or, for yet more clarity you could have said the three Murphys - if indeed all three share the same surname - or it could have been Mick, Seamus (say), and Pat. To have two first names and one surname is somewhat inconsistent. It's always possible, of course, that you had forgotten, or indeed may never have known Murphy's first name, but had you improvised, as I did above with Seamus, it would have reduced confusion, and would have enabled me, and, for all I know, countless others, to see the point of the punchline, as we would have realised from the start that there were in fact three potential arboreal demolition operatives required in the eyes of said applicants, whereas the lead-in without a comma after Mick does create a degree of uncertainty in the reader which is not fully resolved by the denouement.I'm so pleased to have made the situation crystal clear.