Lets cheer thee all up.

Johnny39 · Post by **Johnny39** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 12:10 am

Doctor: "Any insanity in the family?".Patient: "Well my husband thinks he's boss!"

Crazy Jane · Post by **Crazy Jane** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 12:37 am

I told my girlfriend that she looks pretty with black fingernails.Now she thinks i trapped her hand in the door on purpose.How do you stop 2 drummers playing out of time?Shoot one of them.How do you know when a singer's knocking on your door?She doesn;t know when to come in.How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?One, he only has to hold it and the rest of the world revolves around him.

buffaloskinner · Post by **buffaloskinner** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 10:50 am

cnosni wrote: Whats the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?You cant wash your hands in a BuffaloBurrum,tish Here steady on!!!

Crazy Jane · Post by **Crazy Jane** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 2:55 pm

What's the difference between a viranda and a canopy?You can't fit a viranda under the bed.What's the difference between driving down a dirt track and driving down water lane?One of those knackers your tyres.

tilly · Post by **tilly** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 8:38 pm

The late Col Sanders of K F C fame goes to see the pope and says i will give you two billon dollars to change the Lords prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken.The pope says he cant do it so Col Sanders says i will give you four billion dollars the pope says no he cant do it.So Col Sanders says six billion dollars thats my last offer and the pope says for six billion dollars i will do it.The pope holds a meeting with the Vatican Council and says i have some good news and some bad news the good news is we have just made six billion dollars.The bad news is we have lost the Hovis contract.

Leodian · Post by **Leodian** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 9:09 pm

Hilarious. I've hurt myself laughing at all of those. Except for the "Did you hear about the dyslexic bloke who bought a sex guide? Wanted to know where his wife kept the vinegar" one that I don't get yet, but I shall keep trying!

tilly · Post by **tilly** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 9:47 pm

Paddy tells his friend he is going to build a rocket his friend says were are you going.Paddy says im going to the sun his friend says you will be burnt to death before you get within thousands of miles of it .Paddy says im going at night.

tilly · Post by **tilly** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 9:53 pm

Paddy buys a house and has it all done up then invites his friend round to see it.His friend goes in and says thats an high celling paddy so paddy says i have had two rooms knocked into one.

tilly · Post by **tilly** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 9:57 pm

I was thinking of going to mars on holiday but someone told me there is no atmosphere.

Post by **chameleon** » Mon 01 Nov, 2010 10:46 pm

tilly wrote: I was thinking of going to mars on holiday but someone told me theres no atmosphere. Ah, Mars - somewhere Twix earth and jupiter.