Things that make you smile !

Caron · Post by **Caron** » Sun 12 Aug, 2012 10:30 am

Years back we lived near a pub called the Double Six.My dad got on the bus and accidently said, "Double Diamond, please". When dad alighted the driver called, "Have one for me".

BLAKEY · Post by **BLAKEY** » Sun 12 Aug, 2012 10:33 am

Johnny39 wrote: I apologise if I have offended anyone, it was completely unintentional. I was told the story years ago and it has stuck in my mind ever since. When you were a kid at work years ago you used to get told all sorts of stories by the men and it was very difficult for someone of tender years to know what was wheat and what was chaff. Sorry. Please don't give it another thought Johnny - I'm sure that no-one was offended at all - certainly not me - and I daresay that the story is perfectly true - there are some unthinking and, even worse, callous blighters about I'm afraid.

BLAKEY · Post by **BLAKEY** » Sun 12 Aug, 2012 10:45 am

When I worked for Samuel Ledgard our terminus for the Ilkley (via Guiseley) service was in King Street - facing what is now the wrong way - just above the Metropole Hotel. In those days the Hare and Hounds at Menston was a place with a wicked reputation where "ladies" of a certain persuasion would go in droves at weekends.My conductor that week was a lovely elderly chap (genuinely posh and not a pretend toff) who'd fallen on hard times. He was a disaster at the job - waiting for the bell was just an ordeal at every stop - but we all liked him. Well, one Saturday evening we having a cigarette on the pavement when a gang of real tarts approached - when they were about outside the Metropole doorway the ringleader bellowed out in "cultured tones" - "der yer go PAST 'Are 'an' Ounds ?"As they drew closer dear old Howard coughed gently to expel most of his Capstan Full Strength (untipped) smoke and calmly replied "Yes Madam, and we've been known to pull up there too, given adequate notice."

Jogon · Post by **Jogon** » Sun 12 Aug, 2012 12:39 pm

Johnny39 wrote: I apologise if I have offended anyone, it was completely unintentional. I was told the story years ago and it has stuck in my mind ever since. When you were a kid at work years ago you used to get told all sorts of stories by the men and it was very difficult for someone of tender years to know what was wheat and what was chaff. Sorry. Didn't offend me, I live downwind..

amber · Post by **amber** » Sun 12 Aug, 2012 2:30 pm

Another from my Inspector days. As I boarded the bus,I driver said when you go upstairs will you ask the mother to stop her kid to stop banging his feet, driving me mad. I went up and mother said if you don't stop it I'll tell santa not to bring you any presents. The 4 year old little girl replied If you tell santa that I shall tell Daddy you had a wee wee in the bucket before we came out. It made the passengers smile quietly.

BIG N · Post by **BIG N** » Mon 13 Aug, 2012 2:39 pm

stutterdog wrote: I too,when I was driving no.16 bus going towards Bramley many years ago now,would try and lighten peoples day .Not always successfully I might add! A passenger boarding the bus outside they Queens Hotel(in those days) asks for "Yorkshire Post please". My reply, " Sorry ,I only have the Daily Mirror!"Pointing to the paper on the window ledge! As we leave Huddersfield on Leeds Rd we pass the football ground that also has a multiplex cinema, passengers often get on and ask "do you go to the cinema" I often reply, "nah, I wait for the dvd coming out and watch it at home".Another one is "do you go to the White rose" to which I reply - " no, the shops are all [edited for content] and too expensive"The secret is judging who will and who wont find comments like that funny, not something that I always get right but most of the time you get a smile or chuckle and a bit of pleasent banter from the passenger.One incident that really made me laugh though was a while ago, I was sat at the stand in Leeds bus station waiting to do a 221 service that went up Dewsbury Rd to Morley when a lady came up and said "do you go down Dewsbury Rd mate" , I replied "not from here love, you can only go up it from here" to which she replied ok thanks and walked off to wait at at the stand for the 202/3 instead.Sometimes it just goes right over their heads lol

somme1916 · Post by **somme1916** » Mon 13 Aug, 2012 2:48 pm

Nice story Big N ......very funny.Sometimes get that 221 myself from Morley into Leeds. Down Dewsbury Rd of course !

stutterdog · Post by **stutterdog** » Mon 13 Aug, 2012 6:01 pm

somme1916 wrote: Nice story Big N ......very funny.Sometimes get that 221 myself from Morley into Leeds. Down Dewsbury Rd of course ! Humour is wasted on some folk !