Lets cheer thee all up.

[yorkiesknob]

HI Dogduke,Here's a couple more to add to your post. Thanks really enjoyed them.In days of old (before the colonies even! ) the soot from a kitchen fire would eventually lead to the chimmney becoming clogged. To clear the chimmney, they would drop a live goose down the chimmney, it's flapping wings clearing the soot and detrious from the flue. You had to ensure the fire below was extinguished othewise you would 'Cook your goose'! The masters of the house would use candles to light their was at night and would often retire to bed whilst the staff continued to maintain the residence. becuase the staff were poor, they would use cast off, used candles. However, because the candles were used, chances were, the top of the candle would be next to useless so they made special holders to hold the candle horizontal rather than vertical which allowed them to utilise the bottom of the candle as well. This ensured they could work during the night, preparing the residence for the early morning routine which they also had to do. This meant they were 'burning the candle at both ends'! After the Falklands conflict, the British Armed Forces used to refer to the Falkland Islanders as 'Bennys'. This was the name of a soap opera character of the time, the soap opera being 'Crossroads'. He was a nice but very dim chap who wore a woolly hat. The Islanders became a little annoyed at being compared to this slow character so it was decreed by CBIFFI (Commander British Forces Falkland Islands) that the troops were no longer allowed to refer to the locals as 'Bennys' but it was acceptable to call them 'Still's'; the locals accepted this without question and everyone was happy. 'Still's' was short for 'Still Bennys even though we can't call them that anymore'!A ducks quack will not echo!If you punch a great white shark on the end of it's nose, it will retreat from attack. Not tried it myself!When parachuting, if your 'chute fails to open, there is a tip that may save your life. Hitting the ground at terminal velocity (deceleration trauma) will initially break every bone in your body. You then bounce and the secondary impact will drive the shards of broken bone through your major organs and kill you. The idea being, when you initially hit the ground, HOLD ON! :57:    

[drapesy]

A couple of thoughts, Yorkiesknob. I dont want to be a 'wet blanket' but:Duck's quacks DO echo, how the story that they don't came about is a mystery.Candles work by building up a reservoir of melted wax that is taken up by the wick by capillary action. Holding a candle horizontally, special holder or not, will not work - the wick will burn and the flame go out almost instantly. - try it at home if you dont believe me, but make sure there's a grown up around!!

[yorkiesknob]

drapesy wrote: A couple of thoughts, Yorkiesknob. I dont want to be a 'wet blanket' but:Duck's quacks DO echo, how the story that they don't came about is a mystery.Candles work by building up a reservoir of melted wax that is taken up by the wick by capillary action. Holding a candle horizontally, special holder or not, will not work - the wick will burn and the flame go out almost instantly. - try it at home if you dont believe me, but make sure there's a grown up around!! Hi Drapesy , had my doubts about all of the so called truths I posted.Still I reckon its good to have the old mind thinking about things,cheers Yorkie

[dogduke]

     A man goes into the doctors feeling a little illThe doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news,you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellowand you usually only have 24 hours to live.There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.'So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320.Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000.The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card.You must be the luckiest man on Earth!''Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24 .''Crikey' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the raffle as well

[tilly]

Paddy is in bed with his wife they cant get to sleep for the next door neighbours dog barking in the next door garden.Paddy jumps out of bed and goes outside when he gets back into bed his wife says what have you done.Paddy says i have put the dog in our garden see how they like it.    

[yorkiesknob]

Here you are gents another Australian first.COPPER WIRE    After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.    Not to be outdone by the Brit ' s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British". One week later, the state’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia , reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia ’s Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f#$k all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."Cheers Yorkie

[dogduke]

         . YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.            IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.                        THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:            SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.                                         

[chameleon]

[dogduke]

THE TAX SYSTEM EXPLAINED IN BEERSuppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100.If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this..The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.The fifth would pay £1.The sixth would pay £3.The seventh would pay £7.The eighth would pay £12.The ninth would pay £18.And the tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.So, that's what they decided to do.The ten men drank in the bar every week and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until, one day, the owner caused them a little problem. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your weekly beer by £20.” Drinks for the ten men would now cost just £80.The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free but what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the £20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share? They realized that £20 divided by six is £3.33 but if they subtracted that from everybody's share then not only would the first four men still be drinking for free but the fifth and sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fairer to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage. They decided to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (a100% saving).The sixth man now paid £2 instead of £3 (a 33% saving).The seventh man now paid £5 instead of £7 (a 28% saving).The eighth man now paid £9 instead of £12 (a 25% saving).The ninth man now paid £14 instead of £18 (a 22% saving).And the tenth man now paid £49 instead of £59 (a 16% saving).Each of the last six was better off than before with the first four continuing to drink for free.But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got £1 out of the £20 saving," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "but he got £10!""Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a £1 too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!""That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get £10 back, when I only got £2? The wealthy get all the breaks!""Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.The next week the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important - they didn't have enough money between all of them to pay for even half of the bill!And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes willnaturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just might not show up anymore. Infact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.Professor of Economics.For those who understand, no explanation is needed.For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible

[dogduke]

Link to large painting depicting lotsof famous people past and present.Clicking on a person brings uptheir wikipedia entry.http://cliptank.com/PeopleofInfluencePainting.htmSome more links if you click on the camel !