My mother in law

[simonm]

I took the mother in law out last night........One punch.. Frigging quality..

[Chrism]

The doorbell went last night, I went to the door and the mother-in-law was stood there. I said "Don't stand there in the pi55ing rain woman, go home".

[sundowner]

My mother in law said to me your fat. I said your ugly but i can go on a diet .She is so ugly you have to be over eighteen to look at her When she was a baby she had to have shutters on her pram.When she was born they slapped the midwife.                                                                                

[String o' beads]

My mother in law is so fat she has her own postcode.

[BLAKEY]

My favourite Mother in Law tale is one of the wonderful late Les Dawson's straightfaced laments :-"I wouldn't say my mother in law has a big mouth, but she laughed once and her dentures came loose - IT WAS LIKE THE CRASHING DOWN OF A PLASTIC PORTCULLIS." LOL LOL

[Si]

Another of Les Dawson's:I wouldn't say the mother-in-law was fat, but wherever she sat in a room, you were sat next to her...

[simonm]

My mother in law called today...I knew it was her, when she knocked on the front door all the mice threw themselves on the traps!

[Lilysmum]

Two cannibals were eating their dinner,one said "I don't like my mother in law" the other replied "just leave her on the side of the plate and eat your chips then"

[zip55]

I wouldn't say the mother-in-law was fat but she kick-starts jumbo jets.She turned up at our front door the other day in the pouring rain, crying, saying she'd locked herself out and could she stay there the night ... I said of course you can ... and closed the door.    

[Si]

My mother-in-law rang the council and asked if she could have a skip outside her house.They said she could dance a jig an'all, as far as they were concerned...