Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
snowman1
Posts: 76
Joined: Fri 31 Oct, 2014 2:30 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by snowman1 »

volvojack wrote:
Fri 24 Apr, 2020 6:50 pm
She's single... She lives right across the street.
I can see her place from my kitchen window.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.
I opened the door, she looked me straight in the eyes and said,

"I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and get laid tonight. Are you doing anything?"

I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!"
"Great," she said. "Can you keep an eye my dog?"
good one there jack
sm1

volvojack
Posts: 1344
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

Thanks Snowman

volvojack
Posts: 1344
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

You know when you are sitting on the toilet and you reach out for the toilet roll and you realise that there is none and you have to do the "Waddle" with your trousers around your ankles Well i am nearly at Asda/

volvojack
Posts: 1344
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

I was mugged on the way home last night He said "Your money or your life" I told him that i was married and
therefore had no money or life We hugged each other and cried
It was a beautiful moment

warringtonrhino
Posts: 404
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by warringtonrhino »

In USA a vicar has died after injecting himself with Domestos, President Trump has been arrested and charged with a bleach of the priest.

User avatar
tilly
Posts: 2008
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by tilly »

I like volvojack was mugged he said money or your life i said take my life im saving up.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

volvojack
Posts: 1344
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

I grew up with a step ladder sadly i never knew my real ladder

A man asks his wife how is it when we argue you never let off steam? she says i go in the bathroom and clean the toilet. he sneers and says how does that help ? she replies i use your toothbrush to do it


;)









th
Last edited by volvojack on Mon 27 Apr, 2020 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

volvojack
Posts: 1344
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

David Beckham escaped a near death experience whilst horse riding yesterday. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing uncontrollably. He tried with all his might to hang on, but was eventually thrown off. However his foot was caught in one of the stirrups,and with Victoria and the kids watching helplessly he fell head first towards the ground. Because his foot was caught he was held upside down, unable to break free his head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse didn't stop or even slow down. Just as he was beginning to give up hope and lose consciousness the manager from ASDA came out and unplugged the horse

volvojack
Posts: 1344
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by volvojack »

A Women is a mans best friend. She will never let him stand up, she will never let him down, She will inspire him to do great things he never thought he could do, to live without fear and forget regret, She will reasure him when things go wrong and comfort him after a bad day, She will enable him to show his deepest emotions and help him give in to his most dearest desires, She will make him feel he is the most handsomest man in the room and will enable him to feel the most confident, sexy romantic man there................ No Wait a Minute.......... Sorry i am thinking of Whiskey, its Whiskey that does all that.................

dogduke
Posts: 1338
Joined: Thu 03 Jan, 2008 6:47 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Post by dogduke »

Very bad day at the office today!

The guy I pass the buck to rang
in sick.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

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