Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
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tilly
Posts: 1978
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 09 Nov, 2019 4:29 pm

Paddy meets Murphy in the pub he says i robbed a shop last night and got a load of pictures the cheapest on is worth £180.000 pounds.He takes it out of his case and shows it to Murphy Murphy says you robbed an estate agents.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1296
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 17 Nov, 2019 12:09 pm

There is a rumour going roing round that Marks and Spencers stores are to amgamate with Pound Stretcher Stores so from the !st December will be known as "Stretch Marks"
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snowman1
Posts: 72
Joined: Fri 31 Oct, 2014 2:30 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby snowman1 » Sun 17 Nov, 2019 1:23 pm

good one jack
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 20 Nov, 2019 9:30 am

snowman1 wrote:
Sun 17 Nov, 2019 1:23 pm
good one jack
Muchos Gracias Senor.

volvojack
Posts: 1296
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 20 Nov, 2019 10:24 am

Street football rules when i was a kid.
Coats for goalposts.
Fattest kid always the goalie/
Kid who owned the ball was always a captain.
did not matter if one side were winning 25 to 6 the game only ended when the lad who qwned the ball had to go in for his tea.
next game continued with a tin can.
volvojack
Posts: 1296
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 20 Nov, 2019 10:41 am

In the local chinese takeaway last night i asked the girl what is number 75 chicken ding? she replied chicken cooked in microwave
................................................... Thought i wouls try the local restaurant "When the waitress brought my meal she said "Sorry about the wait" i told her Dont worry love i like fat women.
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tilly
Posts: 1978
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Thu 21 Nov, 2019 8:53 pm

I went to a French restaurant and said to the waiter have you got frogs legs.Yes he said so i said hop over to the bar and get me a larger.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
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blackprince
Posts: 715
Joined: Tue 04 Sep, 2007 2:10 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby blackprince » Sat 23 Nov, 2019 5:08 pm

tilly wrote:
Thu 21 Nov, 2019 8:53 pm
I went to a French restaurant and said to the waiter have you got frogs legs.Yes he said so i said hop over to the bar and get me a larger.
I happened to look at the very first post in this thread. It is remarkably topical!
It used to be said that the statue of the Black Prince had been placed in City Square , near the station, pointing South to tell all the southerners who've just got off the train to b****r off back down south!

volvojack
Posts: 1296
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 23 Nov, 2019 6:48 pm

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
.............................................................................................................
.A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”
"That's correct", said the boss. Another glass...
“This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.”
"Correct." A third glass... "It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."
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tilly
Posts: 1978
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 23 Nov, 2019 7:42 pm

Hi blackprince Just goes to show when you get old you start repeating yourself.Just goes to show when you get old you start repeating yourself.He He.Whats the odds of posting the same joke on the same day one year later i promise i did not know i had already posted it.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.





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