Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
Posts: 1179
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Fri 08 Feb, 2019 8:51 pm

Went down to our local Legion Club and there was a Big Fat Lady dancing on a table. "Nice strong Legs" I said "Oh Thank you " she said as she blushed "Yes most t would have collapsed by now" ( I woke up Sat. Morn with six stitches in my nose)
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A week later Iwa standing at the bar and a big fat lass came staggering up behind me and squuezed my A.se. She said "You cute, what about taking me out one night, you had better ring me first. I said "No problem , have you got a Pen " when she said yes i replied "Well you had better get back in there before the Farmer misses you" This time i woke up on Sturday morning with nine stiches in my nose.
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tilly
Posts: 1905
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 09 Feb, 2019 12:32 pm

My wife said to me will you still love me when i am old .I said i dont know get hold,
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1179
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 11 Feb, 2019 6:48 pm

Seen on E. Bay
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Brittanica Volumes Brand New and Unused Reason for Sale, I am Newly Wed and find that Wife know's everything.
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Two Salvation Lasses came to my door today and asked "We wondered if your Wife had any old dresses/coats etc. as we are collecting for starving women in Africa!
I told them If the women in Africa can fit in my wife's clothing then one thing is certain They are Not Starving
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volvojack
Posts: 1179
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 12 Feb, 2019 10:39 am

Valentines day on Thursday. When I told the Wife I had already booked a table for 8 pm. she got really excited. I did not realise she was that so keen on snooker.
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She said "I would like it to be somewhere I don't often go " I suggested the Kitchen last year and she seemed to get quite upset.
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blackprince
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Joined: Tue 04 Sep, 2007 2:10 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby blackprince » Fri 15 Feb, 2019 4:22 pm

Last week the wife told me that she had a dream that on Valentine's day I would give her a diamond necklace. She asked me what the dream could possibly mean, so I said don't worry love it will all become clear on Valentine's day.
On Feb 14th I gave her a gift -a book called " The Meaning of Dreams".
It used to be said that the statue of the Black Prince had been placed in City Square , near the station, pointing South to tell all the southerners who've just got off the train to b****r off back down south!
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tilly
Posts: 1905
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Fri 15 Feb, 2019 9:09 pm

Hi blackprince keep them coming.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
hamyamys
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue 19 Feb, 2019 2:28 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby hamyamys » Tue 19 Feb, 2019 3:22 pm

warringtonrhino wrote:Thanks for that.
Most of my cartoons were done for magazines and societies, walking clubs, architects , Private Eye, flying club , office life, fire service, the Round Table and the League of Gentlemen, so many of them have a very limited appeal.
They relate to events and were amusing at the time and others are specific to the hobby or profession.
I really ought to do some more general ones.



That was epic :D i laugh to those jokes till my last breath :D most loving thread of this forum cheers (Y)

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