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Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Mon 07 May, 2018 9:56 pm
by tilly
A woman sues a surgeon the judge asks what is your complaint she says since his operation my husband has not shown any interest in me.We used to make love every night now he will not even kiss me,The judge say to the surgeon what have you got to say the surgeon says we only did a cataract operation.

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Thu 10 May, 2018 1:46 pm
by volvojack
Had a reply from "Screw Fix Direct" Thanking me for my Interest shown but they are not a Dating Agency.
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The Wife was in one of her Funny Moods. I walked into the Kitchen and said "Is That Coffee I smell" She replied Yes and You Do. ...... Got my own back when she rang from the Supermarket and asked if there was anything we needed urgently?? I asked "Was she walking or in the Car" she replied Walking..... I told her we needed a 56Lb Bag of Potatoes and a Large Bag of Cat Litter.
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Whilst we all hate Manchester United and even more so the "Scum" that are their Fans. Most of us would wish to see their ex. Manager Sir Alex Ferguson make a good recovery from his recent stroke.
His Family have requested that he be afforded some Privacy for a while.
One of his Visitors that was allowed in to see him for an hour was Wayne Rooney and it seemed that he just managed to put some words together and make a sensible sentence. Sir Alex was quoted as saying "Just don't try and do too much at once Wayne Laddie"

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Fri 11 May, 2018 9:24 pm
by iansmithofotley

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Sat 12 May, 2018 9:45 am
by volvojack
Good Morning Ian.
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Never knew about this even though it is based a few miles away in Cheltenham.

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Sun 13 May, 2018 9:41 am
by volvojack
Two young Irish Nuns are sent to the U.S.A. and after arriving in New York one says to the other" Did you know that they eat Dogs over here ,and it is considered quite normal." The other Nun sas Well i guess we shall have to do the same. As they walk down the New York Street they hear a Vendor calling out " Hot Dogs, Get your lovely fresh Hot Dogs Here" Both being hungry the decide to try one each. The Hot Dog Seller wraps them one each in Foil and they go and sit in the Park .The older Nun begins to unwrap hers and then blushingly says to the other, in her soft Irish Brogue "Oh sister, what part did you get ?"

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Wed 23 May, 2018 5:44 pm
by dogduke
I miss my old Lada Riva.

Special model,16 valves.

8 in the engine and 8 in the radio

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Fri 25 May, 2018 5:19 pm
by volvojack
Parked in tha Sanisbury's Carpark and just left enough window open so that our little puppy on the back seat would be O.K. I stood nearby and said "Stay, Stay". A young Blonde stood watching asked "Is your lovely new car an automatic" When replied that is was she said "Then why don't you put in PARK"
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What do you call an Irishman at Oxford University ??...... The Caretaker.

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Fri 25 May, 2018 9:08 pm
by tilly
A blond is on a plane when over the radio the pilot says one engine has broken down.Dont worry he says we can still fly with one engine .The blond says i hope the other does not break down we will be up here all night.

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Thu 31 May, 2018 5:14 pm
by volvojack
The inventor of the first bullet proof motor vehicle in India has died...... R.I.P. Ahmed Carr.

The Mayor of Ballymuckin always said that when he died he would like a Statue of himself in the Town. Well today he got his wish after he was hit by a Cement Truck,

I rushed into our local D.I.Y. Shop and asked " Could i buy a couple of Mousetraps Please and could you be quick as i have a Train to catch" The assistant says Certainly Sir, but i don't think we have them quite that big.

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Fri 01 Jun, 2018 5:31 pm
by dogduke
As a teenager at family weddings the older ones used to give me a poke and say.You are next.

I do the same to them now at funerals !

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